Snooki: A Shore Thing
So, when you think Jersey Shore and Snooki, you immediately think literary genius, yes? Well, if you do, then congrats- you will soon have a new book to add to your collection to prove that you’re not illiterate. One word of caution though- if you value your brain cells you may want to pass on this one. Either way, we’ve got a few excerpts for you so you can decide for yourself– because, hey, free country and all that jazz.
Alright, before we begin let’s state for the record that Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi has willfully admitted she has only read a total of two books: Twilight and Dear John. To that I will merely say, “no comment.” But you know what? You don’t need to read books to write books, and you certianly don’t need to be a literary genius. pft.
With that said, I present to you: excerpts from Snooki’s new book, A Shore Thing:
- “He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face.”
- “Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla.”
- “Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a ‘roid rage, it is a ‘road’ ‘roid rage.”
- “Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”
- “Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn’t nearly as gritty and disgusting as she’d seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank — on a weekday afternoon — was as clean and quiet as a church.”
- “I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk.”