I remember those photos of you two leaving the restaurant the other day when K1 had a foul look on his face and K2 looked as if she was about to cry. Well, now I know why you both had such long faces.
There’s a baby in the oven. Or ass. Or wherever K2 plans on carrying your babything. Because Lord knows you are one of the few women out there that could birth an ass baby and have room to spare! This news is so fuxored I don’t even know where I should begin, but alas, I shall try.
First, Kanye, I’d like to slap you upside the face for basically quasi-legitimizing the Kardashian brand. Now that you’ve knocked her up, there’s no way of getting around it. You might have to wife the ho! And if your mother was still alive she’d be the first to tell you that no ho turns into a housewife. But not so fast! She’s gotta get officially divorced from her
first second fake marriage before she can spread her gait down one with you.
And to Kim…
I’d like to congratulate you and your Fallopian tubes for finally making a way when there previously was no way. I guess someone finally let you in on a little secret: the sperm prefers the other tunnel! Your biological clock finally must be ticking loud enough for you to hear it over the flow of urine that has slapped you against the face for so many years. I called this pregnancy thousands of miles away. And astonishingly enough, I could tell from that distance you were in the family way, because you had that certain glow to you…
Or was it that Khroma bullshit you and your sisters peddle to any fool dumb enough to slather K-piss on themselves? Just when I thought you’d almost eeked out that 15th minute of fame, you brought your A
SS game and proved me wrong. I will never underestimate that power of your nether-regions ever again.
Let’s see. Thrice married and barely in your thirties? At this rate, your ass and titties are gonna be counties away from your residential zip code in no time. And just like the last name you may or may not take soon…why don’t you head WEST, since that would lead you to the Pacific Ocean fairly quickly, where’d you’d inevitably
drown. Whoops, my bad.