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Celebrity Gossip Heard All Over The Web

Joe Simpson Is Free To Chase Peen

The divorce of Tina and Joe Simpson, the parents of the world’s most talented girls since Zsa Zsa and Eva Gabor has been finalized. Now that Joe Simpson is a free man, he can chase after the best glory holes, truck stops, and bath houses on earth. Of course, if you ask Joe, there is no glory in any of this, he is straight, dammit, and we are all haters haters haters!

Um….

The proof is in the panty pudding, because since the two have been separated1366914101_joe-simpson-tina-simpson-lg, Joe has been looking less manly and more like Ellen DeGeneres’ slightly butcher sister. No word yet on who got what in the split, but assuredly he let Tina have at last one of the dildos?

Have a heart, Joe!

additional reporting: A. Neff King

Jessica Simpson’s Mother Tina Files For Divorce From Joe Simpson!

Who would have seen this one coming? Eye roll. Jessica Simpson’s mother Tina has finally had enough of Papa Joe Simpson and his big chain around his neck. According to TMZ, Mama Tina filed for divorce from Papa Joe last month citing, “The marriage has become insupportable because of discord or conflict of personalities.” Now THAT’S a new one! Tina, obviously, wasn’t messing around with the ole’ mysterious “irreconcilable differences”.

According to the website,

Tina claims she has separate property from Joe and wants to keep it. It’s unclear what that property is.

In the county where Tina filed, there are specific rules about how divorcing spouses have to behave toward each other during proceedings — they can’t curse at each other, harass each other over the phone, or physically attack each other … basically they HAVE to act like civilized adults.

If one spouse violates the rules, they could be found in contempt of court.

Joe filed a response to Tina’s divorce petition days later, insisting Tina get nothing from the split.

I’m just surprised Tina lasted thirty-some years with this guy! Seriously! Ok so an official statement from the family was released via a rep saying that “It is an amicable split and there is no third party involved. Any other related allegations are completely false. The family appreciates your respect for their privacy at this time.”