Because yes, folks, it’s true. A heaux can be either gender and by far the heaux of the moment appears to be the only man in Hollywood with titty balls almost as famous as a woman’s…Simon Cowell.
Not only is a new biography on him set to hit the marketplace and release new information on his private life, there are other things happening around the mogul that are coming to light.
He has been outed by Sharon Osbourne as a tiny-meated himbo after he accused her of leaving X Factor because of his affair with Dannii Minogue (who’s still denying it ever happened to which I say… “whatever, lying ass liar!”). Sharon Osbourne may be a lot of things: overly botoxed, lipo’ed, nipped and tucked, but one thing she is not…is a liar!
Also in the news lately is how Cowell has given his latest ex-girlfriend an LA pad valued at over $8 million dollars. Now, even I know in the gold-digger’s handbook of hussery this should be viewed with intense skepticism. True gold-diggers usually have to marry it and pop a few babies out of their worn out poons before they are eligible for such assets, but Simon’s tricks are not even having to go that far. Do they possess magical poon action or is Simon Cowell paying off these girls to not speak on his tiny meat or philandering?
Um, yeah. There’s your answer!
I’ve got some advice for Simon Cowell, because I’m Sir Heaux here to save a heaux. So, I will lay it all out on the line and pray no one snorts it.
First of all, you need to stop getting hitched up with women that look like trannies. From Sinitta, Terri Seymour, and the recently tricked, then kicked to the curb Mezhgan Hussainy, stop cavorting with these ladies that look like ladyboys! All the girls I have seen you with look like the kind Eddie Murphy would try to give a ride home at three in the morning. This is not helping kill that rumor that you are gay and homosexual-like either.
Secondly, stop getting engaged to these
alleged women! For what? Everyone knows you’re not going to marry them. Stop stringing them along. Just be a playboy for the rest of your life and have women on both sides of the Atlantic. Besides, it’s better for business.
Third? If you want X Factor to thrive in America, you need to listen to me carefully on this next one. If you don’t listen to the other two, you should definitely listen to this last one…
Do not hire Britney Spears to be a judge! Are you mad?!She can’t read the cue cards! What advice can she offer contestants? She can’t even lip-sync on time!
Heaux up…or blow up!
That is all.