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Celebrity VIP Lounge

Celebrity Gossip Heard All Over The Web

Papa Joe Was After Nick Lachey?

nick

Not that this is even shocking or surprising, but Nick Lachey, who was married to Jessica Simpson and divorced her in 2006, recently dropped a few bombs about their relationship. Let’s just say there was another man involved in it.

Enter Joe Simpson.

Enter uncomfortable moments.

Enter the slow-vom.

Lachey, who is now married to Vanessa Lachey and has a child with her, was on Andy Cohen’s show ‘Watch What Happens Live’ and left the viewers in on what happened behind the scenes and their reality series. Highlights?

Nick alluded to the fact that Joe Simpson made a few overtures that were borderline improper. Can you say ‘cop and feel’?

But Joe Simpson isn’t gay…

At least not officially.

Joe Simpson Is Free To Chase Peen

The divorce of Tina and Joe Simpson, the parents of the world’s most talented girls since Zsa Zsa and Eva Gabor has been finalized. Now that Joe Simpson is a free man, he can chase after the best glory holes, truck stops, and bath houses on earth. Of course, if you ask Joe, there is no glory in any of this, he is straight, dammit, and we are all haters haters haters!

Um….

The proof is in the panty pudding, because since the two have been separated1366914101_joe-simpson-tina-simpson-lg, Joe has been looking less manly and more like Ellen DeGeneres’ slightly butcher sister. No word yet on who got what in the split, but assuredly he let Tina have at last one of the dildos?

Have a heart, Joe!

additional reporting: A. Neff King

Joe Simpson Is Not a Gay!

And I would take the man at his word, but when I went to him for a statement, he had to release the peen from his mouth to even answer me. Now, in Hollywood, no one is completely anything, so if he claims to be straight on paper, then let him. If Tom Cruise and John Travolta can get away with undercover peenery, then so can Joe Simpson.

So says Joe Simpson.

Perhaps we should ask Peena Tina Simpson what the real deal is? Because according to reports, the reason why their marriage fell apart is because Pastor Joe was hitting the boys at the back of the pulpit while she prayed that his love of that hole would subside. Well, after siring two chirrenz with him (imagine what he had to go through for that) and 34 years of marital ignunce, she could not take it anymore and flew from the homosexual nest. No one has gone to her for her side of the story, and I want to know why?

Tina, come out, come out, wherever you are!

But knowing Joey, he’s probably just waiting for the right endorsement deal to come along before he comes out as a proud gay man.

Like I said before, Ryan Murphy needs to cast him on Glee…stat

Save a Heaux: An Open Letter to Joe Simpson

Dear Joe,

Now that you may or may not be coming out of the closet, here is some advice for you as you settle into queerdom in the twilight years of your life. And trust that you are indeed considered a Golden Grrrl in the gay community if you are over the age of 25. Your new look of highlighted blonde locks paired with fitted top and skinny jeans? Let’s just say that David Spade and Ellen DeGeneres don’t need any competition! This is not your best look, but you can afford a makeover with your wealth. So fret not, Joe! What you don’t have in youth, you can more than make up for in cold hard cash.

Since you are big on pimping out your daughters of questionable talent, then there is no reason for you not to do the same for yourself! Where’s that Advocate cover? Where’s that guest judge gig on RuPaul’s Drag Race? Where’s that cameo in the latest Ryan Murphy production? Surely Glee agrees with you?!

If you’re not coming out, then my advice would be to start calling around Hollywood now for a beard. You can afford one! These days, there’s a line a mile long outside of Ryan Seacrest Studios full of unemployed actresses as they wait for Julianna Hough to bite the dust. Before that ink gets dry, walk run down there and see who’s for lease. Or just save yourself some time and call up Kelly Preston and ask her which beards are available on the block now. Celebrities like to help out celebrities when they can, ya know.

And as for your Bible-thumping ways, Joe? Well, what are you going to do now? You can’t be a Scientologist, because there’s no such thing as homosexuality as far as they are concerned. As long as you repent for your sins (one would be Ashlee Simpson), you’ll be just fine.

Image via TMZ

Papa Joe Simpson Arrested!

And it wasn’t for talking about his daughter’s breasts!

Papa Joe Simpson may think that his daughter’s boobs are the freakin’ cat’s meow, but he apparently loves throwing back a little booze and getting behind the wheel of an automobile too.

According to TMZ, Papa Joe got his butt arrested for a DUI in Los Angeles!

According to law enforcement sources, 54-year-old Joe was busted on Ventura Blvd. in Sherman Oaks on August 4 at around 10 PM and get this, they had a sneaking suspicion that Joe was boozed up! And so, they cuffed his crazy ass and hauled him to jail where he spend the rest of the night.

Come on peeps. I have to see this mugshot.

Since this is his first offense, I have a hunch that this joker is only going to get a fine. Take the key and lock him up, big fat chain and all.

Image via Getty Images