Dear Paula Deen:
Once upon a time…
you had us at “butter”.
But no more!
So before you come back into the public arena in a few months, we have a few choice words for you before you return with your recipes for Reparations Rice, 40 Acres and a Mule casserole, and C.P.Tea….
How bright and loud your true colors shined when you fumbled and stumbled over your not one – but two – filmed (and heavily edited) apology statements. Your lawyers and managers couldn’t grease you through a door fast enough to hand you a list of insincere lines to read in an attempt to save your dynasty. They couldn’t trust you to speak from your heart, because they know how hard that organ is to reach considering the lard and butter encasing it. They were not going to take any chances, Paula D! Instead, they plopped your ass down, quickly grabbed and combed your salt and peppere wig, threw on an extra layer of make-up to try and conceal more than your liver spots, and positioned a microphone in front of your face.
But it’s what you said when the mic was in your face is the reason why you’ve got to go away – at least for a while. Because we are sure there are alot of white folks in the south that grew up in your era that make racist comments all the time. The difference is that they are usually not multi-millionaires off the backs of the very people they are insulting. Actually, maybe they are, but back to you, Miss Deen!
And because the word ‘nigger’ has fallen into this gray area the last decade or so, you will be back on TV before we can even miss your triflin’ ass, cooking up more food that clogs more holes than a Kardashian. You’ll disappear for six months and when you return, you’ll be 50 pounds lighter through a signed a contract probably signed with Jenny Craig. Then a reduced calorie cookbook for a wider audience, and then people will forget you ever made such racist remarks and possibly harbors racist thoughts as well. But in case you missed that week in school, we are here to remind you – the Confederacy LOST. Which means that no one is tolerating your racist rants just because you come “from a different time”. We know usually you can have your cakes and eat them too, but not this time. Not today!
So, we are sure your family tree forks just enough for you to understand how incidences like this work out in America. America will forget about most of this, you can resurface from your glamor trailer park in a few months. Some TV show from some network will finally decide that there’s still enough money to be made in investing in you and your empire will carry on. With the massive support that you will get from white supremacists for the next few months you hide away, we’re sure you’ll stay firmly in the black….so to speak. But right now, you are in exile until further notice! And we may forgive, but we most certainly will not forget!